Riziki’s daughter and Riziki’s mum, who always supported her
“It dawned on me that my value was monetary”
by Bosibori Osusu • 27 April 2023
“Being broke is hard for a regular person. But being a broke single parent is worse. I can comfortably say this because I have experienced both, and it's not pretty.” As Riziki speaks of her experiences, you know that she knows what she is speaking about.
Riziki Upeo* is a single mother of one, a six year old daughter she had out of wedlock. She never misses to mention her with love every now and then during the interview. Having been brought up in a Christian and African home, some ground rules were clear. Some were unspoken, but others were clearly stated and embedded into the children.
One thing the Bible and the African tradition agree on is to respect and honour your parents. The Bible says, “Honor your father and mother so you can live long on this earth.” In the African tradition it is believed that one should respect and honour their parents so as to avoid any curses or calamities from befalling them. Same difference, right?
“I remember when I fell pregnant, I lost my job and had to move back home with my parents. Such scenarios are never looked upon kindly by both the nuclear and extended families, not to mention the community at large. It is considered shameful,” she said. As a result, she tried so hard to make something of herself, so she could raise her daughter. Her parents and siblings tried their best to help her, but things were tough. None of the extended family members extended a hand of help, and they certainly did not check up on her and the baby.
“By God's grace I landed a very lucrative job, considering the state I was in, it was a gold mine,” stated Riziki. This is where things started getting real. From the unnoticed young mother who gave birth out of wedlock and brought shame to the family, she had turned into the person that everyone wanted to be associated with. She became the problem solver, and by this I mean the financial problem solver.” Phone calls and messages started trickling in from friends and relatives who had long forgotten about her.
“It dawned on me that my value was monetary, and this broke my heart,” she said amid tears. Suddenly everyone felt entitled to her hard earned money and no matter how hard she tried, she could not solve every problem. "Some of my relatives claimed I had changed, because I had money now and I felt I was better than them." This was simply because she didn't give them money. Riziki ends up using most of her salary to help her family, because she feels it is her duty, even if it leaves her broke most of the time.
The conflict between looking out for herself by setting boundaries and being there for her family has been unbearable. “I know that taking care of my family is important, but when it turns out to be an entitlement, then that's where the line should be drawn.” She however acknowledges that since most of her siblings are not employed due to the lack of job opportunities in the country, it is understandable that they need her to cushion them. Unfortunately, some take advantage of this and siphon as much as they can from her.
“It is easier to support someone who has a plan, or has already started something of their own, rather than someone who only expects handouts from time to time,” she explained. She feels like it is some form of manipulation that has crippled so many, preventing them from growing into their own.
The pressure for children to financially take care of their parents to unthinkable levels has caused many to venture into unlawful means to access money, just so they can be able to bring their parents out of poverty and give them a better life, and also do something for themselves. Most people I meet on my day to day activities always seem to say one thing, “I want to be rich, so I can build my parents a big house.” Or “I want to give my parents what they never had.” It is quite a serious matter, because now it boils down to a do or die situation.
The society looks at you different if you prosper on your own and your family doesn’t. You simply cannot own a car and your parents live in a mud house. It is literally a taboo. In essence it means that you have to drag your family along no matter what, and your success must be their success. The big question here is: Is it wrong to set boundaries with family and friends when it comes to giving?
Riziki still struggles with putting herself and her daughter first. She still feels like she needs to solve her family problems, since she is the one with the good job. “I wonder what will happen if, God forbid, I lose this job. Will they still treat me the same or I will have lost my usefulness?” she asks. The look on her face tells me, she already knows the answer to that question.
* Name changed. back
Next: A so-called prophet’s repentance ministry in Kenya, by Daniel Ouko Orengo*.
About the author:
Bosibori Osusu is a Kenyan Journalist. She lives and works in
Nairobi, the capital city of Kenya.
Suggested citation:
Bosibori Osusu: “It dawned on me that my value was monetary”. MissionField News (ISSN 2813-2270)
https://missionfield.news/2023/4_Monetary
2023-04-27.